I’ve noticed recently that during my work in the ballet studio, I’m low on energy, endurance, and power. Running my solos multiple times is a struggle, and I have to be able to perform well in the studio multiple times in order to perform well once on stage. I made a decision that I was gonna do what I had to do in order to build my endurance. I started running a few times, walking and sprinting, to make my stamina last longer. I started seeing improvements in my endurance during my variations, and now I finally feel like I can relax a bit and enjoy the movements, I trust that my body can make it through the whole piece if even start it off at 100% energy.
As I was running the other day, I started thinking about how long this season has been for me. Auditioning, waiting, panicking, doors closing, doors opening, plans changing, unknown future, exciting news, bad news, waiting, wait some more… and I still don’t know for sure where in the world I’ll be living and training in 6 months. All that I know is that I’ll be just turned 18 years old, out in the world, hopefully doing what I love, trusting in (or at least attempting to trust in) God’s plan for me. The wait to determine the unknown is killing me. I’m losing endurance. I’m losing the ability to continue to trust God’s Will, and so much of me wants to just forget about it and take matters into my hands, like I usually do. Trusting in God’s plan doesn’t mean laying down and not putting in the work, it means putting in the work knowing that whatever the outcome, good or bad, is exactly what was meant to be.
The definition of endurance is, “the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.” I truly feel that I am amidst an unpleasant and difficult process, and that I am giving way. I’m not giving way to the pressure of the situation, I’m giving way to fear and anxiety when I know that the Maker of the universe is the one guiding my feet as I run. How can I be afraid when I know this? What reasons do I have to give up and stop running when my finishing point is determined by an omniscient God?
Just like I have to build my physical endurance so that my body is strong and prepared, I have to build my spiritual endurance through prayer, faith, and biblical reminders that I don’t have to give way to a difficult process. Our God is mighty guys, even when we are weak, our strength comes through Him. If you are running down the path that He guides for you, you don’t ever have to let fear stop you.
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:7